Thinking about Daddy

So . . .

I've been thinking a lot about Daddy and all that happened during this same week last year. And while I don't want to go into it all right now, I'll just say that it was pretty emotional those last few days.

It's funny how as time progresses, my grief and pain has turned into something else. Maybe a sadness of sorts. It mostly happens when I see pictures of him. I miss his strange sense of humor, his smile, and the way he laughed. I can still hear it now if I concentrate hard enough. It was a little devilish chuckle that was quite contagious.

Even though my dad wasn't very outwardly affectionate with us kids like I am with my own, sometimes when I look at his picture, I would just like to be able to hug him and feel his soft beard brush up against my cheek.

Dad used to bring me little treats, even after I got married. Snickers bars and Mr. Goodbars. Yummy. If I was not like my dad in any other way, it was our addiction to all things sweet. It's be really awesome to have some treats from him again.

I think I got my love of NASCAR from Daddy too. I remember as a little girl going to see dirt-track races down the road from our house. I was a little thing, but I remember it. And I remember so many Sundays of him watching the big race on the TV at his house.

Maybe that's the hard part about losing somebody you love, especially a parent. There is so much that is suddenly taken from you . . . the hugs, the kisses, the influences, and so much more . . . so much that you can't get back. But, then, why would you want to when you know they're whole, happy, and with the Lord?

J.L.